Learning the need to adopt a more reflective attitude not a reactive haughty-tude

Tears rolled down my cheeks at will. They were hot. They were fast. Like in the movies. 

Let’s see this screen.

I turn my neck a little and preen back to see the little girl seated. She is fine so I turn forward. I see a wave, am being flagged to a stop. So I oblige. The traffic is slowly moving so I wonder whether I was causing obstruction or if my action to turn my neck had made me miss the mark – following the other vehicle ahead. Anyway, I turn off, roll down the window and smile a “Hello Officer”, confidence is oozing. She asks me for my driving licence which I offer gladly. It will expire in 2years so I am filled with the God-kind of courage! She screens it then hands it back to me. She doesn’t look angry. Am waiting for her to ask me to have a safe journey home. She laughs a little and tells me words. “I have been tipped off by a plainclothes police officer that there is a child driving this vehicle so I had to stop you and confirm.” I smile back, actually laugh, thank her then drive off. 

I roll up the windows then the tears flow freely. They are so hot. I am surprised. My head goes in circles. I feel I should have given her a word of hope as am from an evangelism outreach. WWJD?

At that time normally, I would be seething in anger. 

However, these precious tears of mine are so clean, my heart is at peace, though I can feel the blush on my face… I can’t ignore the feelings, am a girl, NO? I don’t feel angry. I feel grateful. I feel peace. You know that peace that surpasses human understanding? It’s deeper than these words I write here. 

Usually I felt shame when someone touched on the biting topic of my body size. That am small. Not today. It’s taken time. And grace for the icing on the cake. Actually all of it is the GRACE of God. Unmerited favor.

I remember once somebody asked my boyfriend then why he was dating a child, he should be guilty of child abuse.

I now count it all joy.

I relate very well with children coz when am with them you can’t tell the difference between me and them. They also can’t tell the difference they are jumping all over me, asking me to carry them, we play games, laugh and laugh some more. Its Grace.

I know God knew how exactly He made me. FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY. 

I am His workmanship, His masterpiece, a uniquely designed work of art. Moreover His thoughts towards me are so numerous, I could never count them. I can’t fathom how He did it. Or why He did it. He works in mysterious ways. I just must say the final person impresses me.

Recently I cut my hair, it’s made me look even smaller. I am looking way younger than my birth certificate indicates.

I can’t prevent people from judging me. I can only believe God my maker. His worth for me. His gift to me – a life that’s worth living. I can choose to participate in who He’s making me.

Remember the Sunday school song, I thank you Lord for making me, ME.

Instead of anger at those who judge, the Lord has taught me and is still teaching me to set an example in speech, in faith, in purity, in life.

Instead of shame – blame turned inward – at the comments that may be hurting and outright debilitating, I choose joy – in the work of art that I am.

And you know what, the same applies to you. It applies to our teenagers. It applies to our preteens, our children. It applies to adults too. Boys and girls.

See yourself as God sees you – made in His likeness and image!

He said It’s GOOD.

Why live in a less than true belief? That would be living in error. God’s word is true. Confess it loud. Hide it in your heart. Write it down. Memorize it. Do all it takes to build faith. Faith comes by hearing truth. Voice of truth that speaks a different story.

So what if you’ve added a lot of weight after birthing a baby? You are perfect, extra kilos or not. Am not trivializing that you may need to lose some of it. I am affirming that you, yes you are perfect as you are, right now. You’re God’s masterpiece. Lose the weight for the health and emotional benefits it brings not for approval by people. God loves you with unconditional love. It’s not merit based. God loves you with an everlasting love. That? I can’t fathom. I simply believe. 

Maybe next time, I will use such opportunity to share the word. 

What I learnt today?

Sometimes silence still is communication. Deeper than words.

I am learning the need to adopt a more reflective attitude not a reactive one..

Hope’s Advocate

Dorcas Koome-Muthama


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